November 12

Today, November 12th, Jason would have been 34 years old. I assure you last year when we celebrated his birthday, we never dreamed it would be his last here. I was trying to remember exactly what we did to celebrate the day. What did we do to celebrate his very last birthday on this earth?

Allow me to reminisce... we ate at one of his favorite restaurants in Naples. Hurricane Grill. Naples has some of the most fabulous eateries, but we didn't get frequent those places too often. One reason is Jason was in graduate school, therefore we were on a very tight budget and another reason was we had 2 small kids! The Hurricane Grill is a very casual establishment that served the best boneless wings in town. The hotter the better for Jason. We frequented this place so often that we became acquaintances with the owner. He was from New Orleans so we always enjoyed talking about places we were all familiar with... this always made us feel close to home.

After a great meal we went home for birthday cake that was prepared by none other than Anna Lea. A homemade "funfetti" cake. This was Anna Lea's favorite and thus became Jason's favorite. The cake was so good that Jason consumed almost half of it ALONE in 2 days. I tried to make him feel bad about this since he was a diabetic, but his response was always, "it's my birthday, leave me alone!" And so I did only after I nagged him about it no less than hundred times. After cake, we put the kids to bed and decided to watch a movie, a favorite hobby of Jason's. We watched Hitch. We had seen this movie numerous times, but since most of the movies Jason owned were "kill 'em up dead" movies, this would fit my taste as well. That's all I really remember about his last birthday. That makes me even more sad. How I wish I would have savored the day a little longer. How I wish now that I would have INSISTED that he let me take his picture! (The picture above was taken close to his birthday, but not on actual day.)

November 12th will always be a day I will celebrate even though my pain is so incredibly great this year. I am forever a better person because of Jon Jason Weathers. I am so thankful that the Lord saw fit for our paths to cross and then allowed me the honor of being his wife for 10 years. I am blessed beyond measure to be the mother of his children. Although the task seems daunting right now without him, I am so thankful to our Savior for these little Jason's that are in my possession.

November 12th also marks exactly four months since Jason's passing. Four months...sometimes it seems like forever while other times it seems like just yesterday. I took some flowers to the cemetery on Monday with Jon Brent and Ally. (Anna Lea was in school still.) I don't really frequent the cemetery all that often. Not sure why, but for now it doesn't really comfort me to visit. Maybe one day it will, but for now I pretty much avoid going. Jon Brent was unusually quiet during the visit. I guess he was just taking it all in or as much as a 3 year old mind can take in. I sat Ally on the grass as I just quietly sat looking at both of them. They both have changed so much in four months. Especially Ally. My heart hurt so very much looking at their innocent faces. I hurt for them in that they don't get the benefits of having Jason walk with them through all life will throw at them. I had to continue to remind myself that He does have a plan and that His word promises us that He will work this for our good. I must be honest and say at that moment I couldn't see the good, but only fill the enormous hurt. I gave those feelings immediately to Jesus. All of them. I find myself having to do that sometimes on a daily basis. Who am I kidding? Sometimes an hourly basis.

I have thought a lot as to how we should spend today. I have even asked the kids as to how they want to celebrate daddy's birthday. Anna Lea wants to bake the funfetti cake. Jon Brent... well, when I asked him, his response was, "I want to go to Target and get a race car." This is how Jon Brent would spend every day! So, I am not exactly sure as to how the day will unfold, but I covet your prayers. Yes, it is just another day without sweet Jason, but a significant day nonetheless.

As I contemplate our day without Jason, I am also thinking of how he is spending his first birthday in heaven. My dear Mammaw's birthday was yesterday so I hope the two of them are having one fabulous celebration together. However, I imagine everyday is a fabulous celebration in heaven. So, Happy Birthday, sweet Jason. I know this one will be the best one for you ever and that thought brings me such comfort.

"Still"

Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me within your mighty hand

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know his power

In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with you above the storm

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still and know you are God
Words by Reuben Morgan