Sunday, September 28, 2008

55 Belletower Turn

Well, 55 Belletower Turn is home. Well, sort of...our furniture is there, but we aren't actually living there yet. Soon, very soon. It seems as if this move has taken us FOREVER. The problem being I had stuff all over Hattiesburg. :) Mainly in storage, but a lot at my parents while other stuff at Jason's parents. Whew...we're tired to say the least. By the way, let me thank my parents ONCE again. They have gone above and beyond for me... again. I think this it, though. Just kidding. My dad did joke and tell me not to ask him to move us anytime soon. He and my mom have moved us 3 times in less than 3 years. I pray I don't have to ask them anytime soon.

I know I have mentioned this several times, but it bears mentioning once again. My mom and dad have sacrificially given me and the kids SO much. My entire life they have done without to give to me and Scott. This time is no different. I am eternally grateful for the love they have not just expressed verbally, but shown me. I pray that I will be this giving to my own children. Pray for them as they are about to take a much needed vacation together ALONE without 3 children or me for that matter. I am so glad for them to be able to escape and I assure you that it couldn't come at a better time. I imagine they will sleep a lot! They deserve this and so much more. Thanks again, mom and dad. Those words seem so inadequate, but it's all I have right now. I love you both more than any words could possibly express.

The kids and I hope to be sleeping at the house very soon. We are awaiting window coverings and then 55 Belletower will be our new home. Remember, Brad and Sherri are our neighbors and I don't think they want to know EVERYTHING that goes on at our house! Hence the reason we await window coverings...:)

Lots of emotions experienced while going through Jason's things. Some of his things are still packed away for now, while others are there for the duration. I cried a lot, but laughed as well. Some things I found made me once again proud that he was my husband. For example, I finally got my hands on his study Bible. What comfort that brought me to read his writing around God's words. Seeing the way God spoke to him in written form is priceless. I assure you I will treasure this as long as I live. As I flipped through God's word, I was once again thankful to our Lord. Thankful because at the very moment that I was reading so much about our Savior, my sweet Jason was experiencing Him live and in person! His faith is sight!

I have so much to share as I haven't written in several days, but right at this moment Ally is most ready to eat. She would prefer that I save it for another day so that is what I will do. Thank you for your prayers over the last week. I assure you, they have been felt!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I am Blessed

Gosh, it's only Tuesday, but it certainly feels like we are approaching Friday! Moving... why is it absolutely no fun? It never fails how organized you are, moving is always so chaotic. AND it does feel like I just did this 4 months ago... wait, I did. My parents and I packed up all of our belongings in April and hauled them 13 hours in a bright yellow PENSKE and since that date they have been hanging out in a storage room.

The plan as of now is that we will start moving most of our things on Thursday afternoon. Wow, even writing the word our is so difficult. Most all of Jason's things have been boxed up and in a storage facility since our departure from Naples. In some ways I am so looking forward to getting my hands on them and in other ways I dread it like the plague. I described it to someone as a black cloud that is just hanging over my head and I know soon the cloud will open and completely soak me. I am sure there will be many emotions. My prayer is that some of those emotions will be laughter. I am confident that there will be many tears shed, but I pray I can find some joy in his things. Jason liked 'things'. Mainly his 'things' consist of cds, books, and dvds. No surprise to those that knew Jason well. I have laughed and told people that instead of going out and finding a job that I could just open Blockbuster in my house. No joke. Jason loved buying movies. A hobby that I NEVER understood, but one he was most proud of. :) He was something. Sometimes in all of my emotions, I ask God why he blessed me so by being the wife of Jon Jason Weathers. Really.

I was blessed beyond measure. He was incredible. I am such a better person because he was in my life. Oh, how I pray our children will be grow to be like their daddy. I think what grieves me the most about his passing is that they won't learn directly from him. That gentle strength he had can not be taught by me. His kindness to others was amazing. His laid back attitude is something I wish I had. His hugs... well, you've heard me talk of these hugs before, but they were incredible. How I wish I could get a hug right now!

Tonight I was driving from the new house back to my parents house and a song was playing on the radio. I am not sure if I have actually ever listened to the words to this song, but I could SO relate to them. So much that I began to cry. Read below...

Blessed by Rachael Lampa

I may never climb a mountain
So I can see the world from there.
I may never ride the waves
And taste the salty ocean air,
Or build a bridge
That will last a hundred years;
But no matter where the road leads
One thing is always clear...

I am blessed, I am blessed.
From when I rise up in the mornin’,
’Til I lay my head to rest I feel You near me.
You soothe me when I’m weary.
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best I am blessed.

All along the road less traveled I
have crawled and I have run.
I have wandered through the wind and rain
Until I found the sun.
The watching eyes ask me why I walk this narrow way...
I will gladly give the Reason
For the hope I have today!

I am blessed, I am blessed.
From when I rise up in the mornin’,
’Til I lay my head to rest I feel You near me.
You soothe me when I’m weary.
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best I am blessed!

You’ve given me joy. You’ve given me love.
You give me strength
When I want to give up.
You came from heaven
To rescue my soul...

This is the reason I know, I know... I know I’m blessed,
From when I rise up in the mornin’,
’Til I lay my head to rest,
I feel You near me.
You soothe me when I’m weary.
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best I am blessed!

For the worst and the best... I am blessed. Besides Jesus, Jason Weathers has been the biggest blessing in my life. Without Jason, there would be no Anna Lea, Jon Brent, or Ally. Without Jason, I wouldn't be who I am today in the Lord.

Thank you, God for your blessings in my life! Your goodness to me overwhelmes me at times. How you are continually working things out for my good makes me stand in awe of you. I truly am blessed.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

It's been a few days since I have written. I had a very fun, but busy weekend. The picture you see to the side was taken at the USM game yesterday. We attempted to actually watch the game until the rain decided to ruin the day. The kids enjoyed themselves regardless of the crummy weather.

On Friday night I went to a Tri Delta reunion. It was so good to catch up with some old friends. Old... might not be the correct choice of words. Let me re-phrase that statement. It was so good to catch up with some college friends. They were all were so encouraging to me in regards to the loss of Jason. Jason loved so many of these girls. There was even a great 80's band that played. J also loved some Poison, Guns and Roses, etc. Because of this great music, he was thought of often during the night.

I found myself having a hard time in church today. Some Sundays are harder than others and today ranked as a very hard one. Music plays a huge role in my life as it did for Jason, too. A couple of the songs we sang today brought on great emotion. At one point I was so desperately wishing I was all alone with the Lord rather than being in a corporate worship experience. By God's grace, I made it through.

I covet your prayers over the next several days. I have recently made a very BIG decision for my family, but this decision has not been made without lots of prayers. I am buying a house. A very good thing I am certain, but also a very overwhelming thing. It would be overwhelming even with Jason here with me. God has provided a great opportunity for me to be neighbors with Brad and Sherri. They are also buying a new house. Two houses side by side that I believe were built just for us! I am so incredibly thankful for their commitment to me and the kids. The emotions I feel tonight as I am embark on this new chapter of my life are so mixed. Excited for the new beginnings, but sad that we are taking this giant step without Jason. Not at all how I envisioned this move a year ago. Last fall I started getting very excited about moving back to Hattiesburg when Jason graduated from anesthesia school. I would spend hours and hours online looking for that perfect house. Jason and I would spend even more time talking about the type of house we desired. Here I am a year later taking this giant step without Jason.

My parents have been more than gracious by allowing us to live with them since January, but I know it is time for me and the kids to take this enormous step. I am forever grateful for their numerous sacrifices and all the love they continue to give to me and my children. Our entire family has been so supportive over the last 8 months and I will never be able to thank them adequately.

A new day begins tomorrow for me, Anna Lea, Jon Brent and Ally. I look forward to sharing more as the week unfolds, but until then, I thank you in advance for your prayers.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My thoughts...

Jon Brent and I had to make a run to Target on Monday. While I was walking around Target and talking on my cell phone, Jon Brent asked me if we could purchase a box of Spiderman fruit snacks. I proceeded to tell him yes just so he'd be quiet while I finished my conversation. Once I had ended my phone call, I noticed as I began to push my cart to the next aisle that Jon Brent had placed 10 boxes of fruit chews in our cart. 10! He thought he'd sample from every one they offered. He was none to pleased when I told him we could only get one box. Lesson learned? Don't talk on your cell phone in Target with Jon Brent!
I am not sure if everyone is getting to experience this great fall weather like we are in Hattiesburg, but it has been so nice. The first night that I realized how cool it was, I immediately began to cry. Jason loved the fall. Most definitely his favorite time of the year, as it is for so many. He loved it when it was 'crisp' outside. He especially loved a crisp day while watching a little football. It is just strange how a drop in temperature can make me miss him terribly. Actually, everything right now makes me miss him terribly. I told someone today that I was hoping the actual physical pain of losing Jason would begin to diminish, but thus far it hasn't. I miss him so much.
I decided I needed to capture a little of Ally on the video camera the other day. Poor baby. Being that 3rd child, she'll have no video of herself when she grows up! Anyway, when I was finished, I began to rewind the tape in search of Jason. I briefly saw him on our home video and had to press stop pretty quickly after seeing him. I couldn't watch it. So strange because I can look at still pictures of him all day long, but when I saw him talking, it was much too painful. AND in this particular video, it is obvious that he was sick. He looked sick. He looked tired and thin. The muscles in his shoulders had disappeared. For a brief second after seeing him on the video, I became so very angry at leukemia.

Let me say that again, I became so very angry at leukemia. I began to think how this horrible disease robbed my husband of his life on earth. It robbed him of being a daddy to these precious children. It robbed him of getting to graduate from anesthesia school. It robbed him of growing old with me. It robbed him and me of all the plans and dreams we had as a family. Why? I can honestly say that I have never been mad at God for allowing this disease to invade our lives. I would be lying if I told you I haven't asked God, "why Jason?" Why did you choose our family?
I haven't nor do I expect to know fully why this happened to us, but I can't be mad at the only thing I have to cling to right now. How could I turn my back on this One who sustains me in moments like this? He is so faithful. At the very moment that all this anger welled up in my heart, I was reminded of a song that I had been singing earlier in the day. It goes like this...
Into your hand
I commit again
With all I am for you Lord
You hold my world in the palm of your hand
And I'm yours forever
Jesus, I believe in you
Jesus, I belong to you
You're the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am
I'll walk with you wherever you go
Through tears and joy
I'll trust in you
And I will live in all of your ways
And your promises forever
I will worship
I will worship you forever
(Hillsong, With All I Am)
I am thankful that I serve a loving God who sees my hurt and allows me to question, yet, in my questions He is faithful to remind of His great promises. Amazing God He is. Yes, I do belong to Him. He is carrying me in the palm of His hand. I am having to walk with Him through the tears, but the key words are that I am walking WITH Him. Wherever He goes, I am going. He's all I have right now and I do trust him. I will worship Him for He is good.
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be where I am. John 14:1-3
What a promise! Because of that great promise, I press forward.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Faithful Friends

I am so incredibly blessed to have so many wonderful friends. A day doesn't go by that I don't thank the Lord for giving me such an amazing group of friends. I wish I could write how each of them have been so supportive to me over the years, but especially over the last 8 months. At some point I am sure I'll have pictures of all of them, but tonight meet SLAM. Stephanie, Laney, Amy and Macy. Yes, we named ourselves this when we were VERY young. (p.s. the picture that you see here was taken late last night after a long day of retail therapy!)
We were all able to 'pawn off' our 10 kids to gather for a girls weekend in Clinton at Amy's house. Yes, between the four of us there are 10 kids. It is still unbelievable to us that we're old enough to even have kids much less 10 of them! We still feel like we are 18, but we know we must not look 18 because today, for example, a very young hostess at a restaurant we were dining at continued saying "yes ma'am" to all of us. We couldn't for the life of us figure out why she would say "yes ma'am" to four very young girls. (At this point, you may keep your comments to yourself! ha!)
Anyway, the amazing thing about SLAM's friendship is that none of us have lived in the same town since our sophomore year in high school. Amy moved to Baton Rouge, followed by Macy's move to Picayune and then I moved to Hattiesburg. We left poor Laney all alone in the big city of McComb. We have remained very close and still get together as often as we can. I am convinced that we've stayed so close because the foundation of our friendship was based on the Lord. Praise God for friends who love Jesus!
We've hit many milestones since the beginning our friendship. Moves away from McComb, some parents divorcing, some parents remarrying, boyfriend break-ups, moving away to college, new relationships, engagements, weddings, death of a parent, death of grandparents, new jobs, births of our children, decisions over to work or stay home after baby, husbands taking new jobs or returning to school, and now the death of a spouse. Death of a spouse... certainly a milestone we knew at some point we could face, but none of us believed we'd be facing it while our children were all preschoolers.
For me this weekend with Laney, Amy and Macy was such therapy. You see, one minute we were laughing our heads off and the next minute tears were flowing without any end in sight. Laughter for me is such great medicine and laughing comes very easy to us. A few 'remember whens...' and we were hurting from the laughter. However, at one point we found ourselves sitting in the car in the Target parking lot crying over the reality of the loss of Jason. And the great thing was is they not only let me cry, but they cried with me without offering advice. Their presence was all I needed. These dear friends were the friends that heard the excitement in my voice after my first date with Jason. These precious friends grew to love Jason immediately after meeting him for the first time. Who didn't? :)
So for me this weekend was perfect. Just what the doctor ordered. When I got in car this afternoon to return to Hattiesburg, the reality of my life hit me once again. I so badly wanted to stay a little longer with them, but it wasn't possible. As I scanned the radio looking for something good to listen as I drove home, the song 'Great is Thy Faithfulness' began playing. I just had to pull over and cry. Not a sad cry, but a thankful cry. Thankful to God because he has been so incredibly faithful to me. One of the many ways he has been faithful is by giving me these friends and others. Laney, Amy and Macy...I wish I could express adequately how wonderful this weekend was for me. Thank you for being so faithful to our Lord and to me. I am forever blessed because you are my friend.

Friday, September 12, 2008

2 months today

I am not sure why a date on a calendar can make your heart ache a little more. Two months today Jason left this earth to meet Jesus. Not much to say today other than I could use your prayers on this 2 month anniversary of J's homegoing. The Lord is present even now, but I feel an overwhelming sense of loss today. Pushing through looking for the joy that will come...


Wednesday, September 10, 2008


My heart is heavy tonight. It seems right now it is getting harder to grasp that Jason is no longer on this earth. I can't really pinpoint one particular thing that has triggered this sadness that overwhelms me right now. Life without Jason just really hurts...terribly. Actually, it hurts more right now than I even thought possible. Oh, what I would give to just sit and talk with Jason.

So many things that Jason has missed already since his passing. Anna Lea lost 2 more teeth while Ally's 2 new teeth came in. Jon Brent has mastered the potty...well, maybe not mastered it, but very close! :) Just these little things in life that I can't believe he isn't here to experience with me. For example, the other day I took Ally for her 6 month check up. After I left the appointment and got in my car it hit me that I couldn't call Jason to tell him how it all went. Usually, he was the first person I would call after leaving the doctors office with one of the kids. I couldn't laugh with him about how this precious baby Ally weighed a little over 20 pounds at 6 months! (Anna Lea didn't even weigh 20 pounds when she turned 1!) I do realize that the things Jason has experienced since his passing pales in comparison to teeth, potty training and 6 month check-ups. I really am so thankful that heaven is a glorious place. There are so many things I want to learn about heaven.

I've become so interested in this place where my husband now resides. Don't get me wrong. Heaven has always interested me as it does for all believers, but now that the person I love the most is there, I want to know details about where he lives!! And where He lives. It used to drive Jason crazy that I had to know details of everything...conversations he had with family and friends, places he visited, his day at work/school, etc. So, it's only fitting that I need to know this major detail now! He'd understand completely my hunger for details.

Tonight I read to the kids the story about the revelation John had about heaven that was written in the book of Revelation. Read the following:

I see a sparkling city shimmering in the sky: glittering, glowing - coming down! God's city is beautiful. Walls of topaz, jasper, sapphire. Wide streets paved with gold. Gleaming pearl gates that are never locked shut. Where is the sun? Where is the moon? They aren't needed anymore. God is all the Light people need. No more darkness! No more night! And the King says, "Look! God and His children are together again. No more running away. Or hidng. No more crying or being lonely or afraid. No more being sick or dying. Because all those things are gone. Yes, they are gone forever. Everything sad has come untrue. And see- I have wiped away every tear from every eye!"

Every tear wiped away! Can you even imagine that? I can't begin to grasp this wonderful place called heaven. No more night! Wow, praise God! Anna Lea hates the darkness as does her mom so she was super pumped about this detail.

So, I find peace tonight as I remind myself as to Jason's reality right now. Jason is seeing our Savior face to face even as I type this entry. Praise God! As John finished, I will steal from him... Come quickly, Jesus! Are you ready?

Pressing on and looking UP,

My cousin sent me this picture that was taken at our last Shows Christmas gathering. So precious and I know Anna Lea will treasure this for a lifetime. I know I will.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Believe it or Not!

Ok, today was a very active day. Anna Lea had to go to the doctor because she is still not feeling good. She told me that she got on caringbridge the other day and read all of the journal entries. I was hoping she didn't read about her daddy throwing up and decided to try it. The doctor said that A Lea had "motion sickness". I told the doctor that she hadn't been riding on anything. Jon Brent then came in the room playing with one of his little cars going back and forth and making the vroom vroom sound. A. Lea started throwing up again. She now has to wear a blind fold and headphones when J Brent plays with his cars. If any of you know J B, she might as well be deaf and blind.

Jon Brent has been in timeout most of the day. It seems he pulled his pants down in the middle of class and used the bathroom. He said that G does the same thing. Oh well, at least he isn't doing it in his pants. He also got in a fight when someone made fun of his batman underwear.

I can say that Baby Ally didn't give me any problems today. She just sat there and smiled as usual, until she got hungry. She ate a medium meatlovers pizza from Pizza Hut and a large butterfinger concrete from Bop's. I think I will let my mom change her diaper later on.

My mom and dad sat me down today for a talk. The first words out of their mouth was "Stephanie, you know we love you". As anyone in a relationship knows, this is never a good start. They then proceeded to tell me that I have 3 days to get out of their house. They said they couldn't take the "zoo" anymore. My dad said he bought me a travel trailer that I could hook up at the Church. I don't guess it will be too bad. We will have a huge yard, a playground, and will be first in line for Wednesday night dinners. You have to look for the good in everything.

My brother called today crying like a little girl. What else is new? He kept saying how much he missed seeing Brad and that he was his hero. He is trying to find a job in Hattiesburg so he can move back and be close to him. He says that he calls Brad 5 times a day but he won't answer. Brad just says he won't talk to dorks. I mean, he is right. My brother is the biggest dork I know. When he moved to Memphis, the rest of the family had a huge party. I feel sorry for him. Ashley said he is wearing adult diapers now because he watched a scary movie the other night and can't get over it. He really needs help.

Safety Patrol and Peggy made it back from their Gustav runaway. Will they be able to stick it out for Ike? It did take a shift to the east. For those of you that don't know, Peggy took a ride on a torndado and is a little weather shy. She curls up in the fetal position when a cloud goes over the house. Good luck to them during the rest of the season.

Tonight's post is a perfect example why you don't use the same password for all of the stuff you do. It took me a whole day to hack into your blog Steph. There is at least one thing in my post above that is true. I will let you use your imagination as to what that may be. Hopefully, Steph will post soon because I am blessed each time I read one.


Monday, September 8, 2008

The Good Shepherd

So, this is it! I am welcoming myself to the blog world. I do think I will enjoy this site better because I will be able to add more pictures of the kids, etc. Most of you know how I love pictures, but with caring bridge, you can only add a limited number. I am not exactly sure of the goal of this blog, but I will continue to use it as my therapy as well as show some of the happenings with the Weathers crew.

I would like to share a little something that meant so much to me several days ago. A dear friend of mine gave me a children's Bible story book to read to the kids. Anyway, the story I read to Anna Lea and Jon Brent was The Good Shepherd. Oh, how the very simple words ministered to my soul!

Some of you may recall that right after Jason was told of his possible diagnosis, he went home and picked up his Bible. He turned to Psalm 23. A favorite of so many, but what comfort it brings in time of great need. This particular story paraphrases the Psalm so beautifully for children to understand. I want to share with all of you.

The 23rd Psalm
God is my Shepherd
And I his little lamb.
He feeds me
He guides me
He looks after me.
I have everything I need.
Inside my heart is very quiet.
As quiet as lying still in soft green grass
In a meadow
By a little stream.
Even when I walk through
the dark, scary, lonely places
I won't be afraid
Because my Shepherd knows where I am.
He is with me
He keeps me safe
He rescues me
He makes me strong
And brave.
He is getting wonderful things ready for me
Especially for me
Everything I ever dreamed of!
He feels my heart so full of happiness
I can't hold it all inside.
Wherever I go I know
God's Never Stopping
Never Giving Up
Always and Forever
Will go, too!
Amen and Amen! How these words resonated with Anna Lea and seemed to bring her such peace. What about Jon Brent, you ask? Well, he got stuck on the second sentence in regards to being a little lamb. He started "baaing" like a little lamb. That in of itself brought a laugh to us both. Our Savior is indeed with us and I know He even cries with us. There are still plenty of tears being shed over the loss of sweet Jason. Some days more than even the first day. Anna Lea and I were going through some pictures yesterday and ran across several pictures of Jason. We just held each other and cried. No words, just tears. No words needed. We feel each others pain. On a lighter note, Jon Brent walked in the room while we were crying and he started to tell us, "don't fry." "When you fry, you have to go to your room." You see, Jon Brent "fries" frequently over silly things. We are constantly telling him when he cries he has to go to his room until he stops. Once again he brought a smile to me and Anna Lea until we were laughing through the tears. I am so thankful for the understandng of a 3 year old at a time such as this!
I'm really looking forward to sharing more on this blog with you. I hope you'll be along for the ride.
P.S. You can still leave me comments on this site as you feel led. Oh, how I love your encouraging words! Click on the word 'comments' to send message.