Just an update on me...

I haven't updated in almost a week and although I am so very tired tonight, I was drawn here. Ally has had a double ear infection this week. She's been most demanding as any child would be with ears as bad as her ears. I think we've all been fighting off a cold all week. I pray we are all on the mends again as we are to leave for Disney in just a few days. All I can say is thank God for my mom! She has pulled extra shifts this week in helping me with the kids... especially Ally. By the way, I think Ally thinks that my mom is her mom. :) You have to remember that right after Ally was born, I was spending most of my time taking care of Jason. Nana was her main care provider. Ally literally lights up like a Christmas tree when Nana walks in the room and she ALWAYS chooses Nana over me. I joke with my mom about being offended by this, but truthfully I am most thankful.

I was able to sneak off to Jackson on Friday and shop at Mistletoe Marketplace with some friends. This was medicine to my soul. I enjoyed so much the laughter that came from being there. I saw several people that I haven't seen since Jason died and all were so encouraging to me. It's amazing how a small word of encouragement can be such healing for my soul.

Today I stayed home ALL day except for a quick bite to eat tonight with family. I don't think I have stayed home like this in weeks! I got a lot accomplished and that always makes me feel better. :) My mom and I hung some pictures tonight in some areas of the house. Having pictures hung on the wall really makes a house feel like home. I sat in the den tonight just looking around in total silence. I was so overwhelmed with so many emotions. I know I have said this before, but I so wish Jason could have been a part of this house. Not that I want to bring him back to this earth from heaven, but I just know he would have loved this house. At first after I bought the house, I thought that Jason wouldn't have been so crazy about it, but now that I have our 'stuff' in it, I know he would have loved it. I still have so many of his things and I am not sure really what I plan to do with them, but right now I just want them with me. In some ways, it brings me comfort.

I ran in Target one day this week to pick up a prescription for Ally. I needed to run in the back of the store for a particular item which required me to be near the Christmas section. Immediately, I began to hear Christmas music. Ouch and ouch. Again ouch. This has already happened once in Wal-mart. Could everyone just turn down the Christmas music when they see me coming?!?!? (Kidding, of course.) In a matter of seconds, I was crying uncontrollably. Jon Brent was with me... thank the Lord. The conversation went something like this:
"Mommy, you crying cause you miss daddy?"
"Yes, Jon Brent, I miss daddy."
"Mommy, don't fry. You told me we'd see daddy again one day."
Out of the mouths of babes. Here in Target my 3 year old son was encouraging me. All I could say was, "you are right, Jon Brent."

Today I received word of a precious sister in Christ whose dad has been diagnosed with AML . I hurt so deeply for this family. I hate so badly for anyone to have to walk down the road we have had to walk. As I tried to find the right words to encourage her with all that kept coming to mind was, Jesus will be faithful. Regardless of how bad the news gets, He is always there. Even in my darkest days, He has been faithful to meet me there. Looking back on my journey thus far, my God has been so incredibly faithful to me even in those emotional breakdowns in Target over Christmas music playing in the background. What blows my mind even more about God's faithfulness is that I don't deserve Him. I deserve hell, but because of His grace, I will one day walk with Jason on the streets of gold in the presence of our faithful Lord. How I long for that day!

I want to close with the lyrics of a song entitled "I Will Run to You." This song has become my prayer over the last several days. Click here to listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s2wCVcmYOU
Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen
You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand
And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race'
Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace