Praying for a better week...

Praise God for Monday! Well, not normally, but for me I am so needing a better week than I had last week. It was a crazy week for sure. I am sad to say that Brad's entry a couple of days ago was true. DHS will probably be contacting me soon. My parents hadn't been gone more than 4 or 5 hours when I locked Ally in the car. Thankfully, I was parked in my parents garage, but it was still a pretty hot afternoon. I was in total panic mode. By the way, we DID have an extra set of keys, but somehow in the move they've been lost. Anyway, thank the Lord for Brad. (I seem to be thanking God for him a lot here lately!) He can and does make things happen! He was too far away to get to us immediately, but he called another deputy with Lamar County and within minutes Deputy Lindsey saved the day!




Wednesday I went grocery shopping for the first time since Jason was diagnosed with leukemia. I have picked up a few items here and there, but I had not done a real 'Walmart run' in quite some time. When we left Naples, we gave away all food items because we weren't sure how long everything would be in storage. I even had to start over with spices, etc. Not sure why I felt like I needed those items right now because I haven't cooked a meal in months either. Maybe soon I will get back to cooking. Anyway, going to Walmart is stressful enough without throwing in my crazy emotions. I am not sure what happened to me in the bread section, but I totally lost it when I went to reach for the bread that Jason liked to eat. I am sure I looked certifiably crazy while crying over Nature's Own wheat bread. After I purchased LOTS of groceries and loaded them in my car, I began to drive away from Walmart still in tears. I kid you not, the song that was playing on the radio was "How Do I Live Without You?" I don't even like that song, but I tortured myself by not changing the station. I really felt like someone was playing a real mean joke on me because the next song was "All By Myself." I finally got it together enough to laugh at myself. Silly love songs on adult contemporary radio stations... NO MORE! I am revolting.





Wednesday night is when Anna Lea decided to climb on the top of her bed post. I have to admit that I accused her of being too emotional after the fall. I was convinced it wasn't broken, rather her acting a little dramatic. She most definitely inherited that trait from me. When she woke up crying in pain at 11:00 p.m., I knew we had a situation. So, off to the ER we went. My friend Susan went with us because she was afraid I might be emotional visiting the ER this soon after Jason's passing. She was right. Brad did join us and I was most thankful for that. (Do you see the reason I am continually thanking the Lord for Brad?) When we arrived in the ER we were immediately greeted by a kind nurse who had worked with Jason. She began to express her sympathy to us and told me that she had kept up with our journey on caring bridge. Of course, she expressed her love for Jason and how much everyone enjoyed working with him. After a quick triage, they moved us to another room and wouldn't you know it...we were put in the SAME room that they put Jason in when he came after going into cardiac arrest. My lucky day. Anna Lea over heard us talking about the fact we were in the same room and she immediately began to ask questions. Although we were 'bugged' out completely by this room placement, Anna Lea thought it was way cool that she was in the same room that her daddy had been in. I wish I could be 6 again.



Thursday came and went with no real crisis other than having to take Anna Lea to the orthopedic physician in regards to her arm. Thankfully a cast was not needed, but a sling for 3 weeks. Anna Lea was disappointed about this. Her mom was not!



Friday came and praise God my parents came home! I have never been so glad to see my mom and dad. What I discovered while they were gone is that I am a very needy individual! I know for those reading that know me well are not at all shocked at this statement. Having 3 kids and being 'single' is by far the hardest job I have ever encountered. Throw in trying to get settled in a new house and feel my misery! Kidding, of course. It was a tough week, but I made it with the help of other family and friends.



I am not sure where I am in the grief process, but this move has triggered so many emotions that I hadn't encountered as of yet. I have noticed that I tend to have very little patience right now. I hate that my sweet kids sometimes get the brunt of that. Actually, Comcast got the brunt on Friday. My kids don't deserve my frustrations with life right now, but Comcast most definitely deserves it!



Monday starts another week. Another week without sweet Jason. How I miss him so much. Everything about him I miss. Even the things that bugged me sometimes. Jason would constantly make little 'to do lists' and leave them laying all over the house. While unpacking a box this week a couple of those lists fell out of a notebook of his. The lists usually included music he wanted to download or books he wanted to read. Sometimes tasks such as having the oil changed in the car or paying bills, but my heart broke when I read, "take Anna Lea on a date." He was always so faithful to spend lots of time with the kids even in midst of a very stressful school schedule. How I hate they will no longer benefit from this incredible daddy of theirs.



Once again I am in need of your prayers. I feel so very lonely so much of the time. Alone even in the midst of lots of people sometimes. I assume this is very normal, but it indeed hurts like nothing else I have ever experienced. For now I will continue to press on and cling ever so tightly to our Savior. He's the only constant I have right now. Oh, how incredibly faithful he continues to be!