It's just Wednesday

Is it just Wednesday? Seems like this week has lasted forever. The week has brought some moments I'd like not to have to be living through, but my God is faithful to give me breaks of joy as well. Monday was a tough day because I had to make myself go and pick out the head stone for Jason's grave. I know many do this very quickly after the loss of their loved one, but I just haven't had the strength to do it. There are many reasons I couldn't bring myself to do this, but Monday I had to put aside my reasons and just get it done. I walked in the monument company and literally felt like I was going to be sick. Doing something like this for your 33 year old husband is NOT normal. This is something you do WITH your spouse in your 70s. Right? Thankfully the individual working on Monday was most helpful and made this horrific task somewhat easier. When we were leaving an elderly couple drove in to do what I had just done, but they were getting to do it together. For a brief second I was so incredibly jealous of this couple that were complete strangers to me. Jealous of the fact that they have probably been married for 50 or so years. I pray they know how blessed they are to have had their mate by their side for so long. Something I so wish I would have been given the opportunity with sweet Jason, but that wasn't the plan and I must rest in His perfect ways even in the midst of my deepest pain.

My heart has hurt for another family this week as well. During Jason's illness, I came in contact with MANY families who were and still are fighting leukemia. One of those families was the Brown family. Cameron, who is 8, was diagnosed with AML when he was 4. After 2 transplants, he has relapsed again and has been sent home with no further treatment options. There is nothing more the doctors can do for him and unless our Lord chooses to heal him then he will meet Jesus in a matter of weeks. As I read Lori's entries on their caring bridge site, my heart breaks so deeply for her. (Lori is Cameron's mother) I so badly want to just hug her and serve her in some tangible way right now. As I was preparing to write her a message, I knew that NOTHING I could say could make this better for her. No words that I could possibly write would bring her real comfort. No words could take away the pain she is feeling. I hate that I know all too well the dark road she will have to walk in the coming days. No, I don't know what it is like to lose a child, but I do know how it hurts to lose someone you love with all you have to this nasty disease. Please pray along with me for the Brown family.

Praise God there will come a day when we won't have to deal with ANY disease. Praise God there will come a day when He will wipe away our EVERY tear... FOREVER.