My heart is heavy tonight. It seems right now it is getting harder to grasp that Jason is no longer on this earth. I can't really pinpoint one particular thing that has triggered this sadness that overwhelms me right now. Life without Jason just really hurts...terribly. Actually, it hurts more right now than I even thought possible. Oh, what I would give to just sit and talk with Jason.
So many things that Jason has missed already since his passing. Anna Lea lost 2 more teeth while Ally's 2 new teeth came in. Jon Brent has mastered the potty...well, maybe not mastered it, but very close! :) Just these little things in life that I can't believe he isn't here to experience with me. For example, the other day I took Ally for her 6 month check up. After I left the appointment and got in my car it hit me that I couldn't call Jason to tell him how it all went. Usually, he was the first person I would call after leaving the doctors office with one of the kids. I couldn't laugh with him about how this precious baby Ally weighed a little over 20 pounds at 6 months! (Anna Lea didn't even weigh 20 pounds when she turned 1!) I do realize that the things Jason has experienced since his passing pales in comparison to teeth, potty training and 6 month check-ups. I really am so thankful that heaven is a glorious place. There are so many things I want to learn about heaven.
I've become so interested in this place where my husband now resides. Don't get me wrong. Heaven has always interested me as it does for all believers, but now that the person I love the most is there, I want to know details about where he lives!! And where He lives. It used to drive Jason crazy that I had to know details of everything...conversations he had with family and friends, places he visited, his day at work/school, etc. So, it's only fitting that I need to know this major detail now! He'd understand completely my hunger for details.
Tonight I read to the kids the story about the revelation John had about heaven that was written in the book of Revelation. Read the following:
I see a sparkling city shimmering in the sky: glittering, glowing - coming down! God's city is beautiful. Walls of topaz, jasper, sapphire. Wide streets paved with gold. Gleaming pearl gates that are never locked shut. Where is the sun? Where is the moon? They aren't needed anymore. God is all the Light people need. No more darkness! No more night! And the King says, "Look! God and His children are together again. No more running away. Or hidng. No more crying or being lonely or afraid. No more being sick or dying. Because all those things are gone. Yes, they are gone forever. Everything sad has come untrue. And see- I have wiped away every tear from every eye!"
Every tear wiped away! Can you even imagine that? I can't begin to grasp this wonderful place called heaven. No more night! Wow, praise God! Anna Lea hates the darkness as does her mom so she was super pumped about this detail.
So, I find peace tonight as I remind myself as to Jason's reality right now. Jason is seeing our Savior face to face even as I type this entry. Praise God! As John finished, I will steal from him... Come quickly, Jesus! Are you ready?
So many things that Jason has missed already since his passing. Anna Lea lost 2 more teeth while Ally's 2 new teeth came in. Jon Brent has mastered the potty...well, maybe not mastered it, but very close! :) Just these little things in life that I can't believe he isn't here to experience with me. For example, the other day I took Ally for her 6 month check up. After I left the appointment and got in my car it hit me that I couldn't call Jason to tell him how it all went. Usually, he was the first person I would call after leaving the doctors office with one of the kids. I couldn't laugh with him about how this precious baby Ally weighed a little over 20 pounds at 6 months! (Anna Lea didn't even weigh 20 pounds when she turned 1!) I do realize that the things Jason has experienced since his passing pales in comparison to teeth, potty training and 6 month check-ups. I really am so thankful that heaven is a glorious place. There are so many things I want to learn about heaven.
I've become so interested in this place where my husband now resides. Don't get me wrong. Heaven has always interested me as it does for all believers, but now that the person I love the most is there, I want to know details about where he lives!! And where He lives. It used to drive Jason crazy that I had to know details of everything...conversations he had with family and friends, places he visited, his day at work/school, etc. So, it's only fitting that I need to know this major detail now! He'd understand completely my hunger for details.
Tonight I read to the kids the story about the revelation John had about heaven that was written in the book of Revelation. Read the following:
I see a sparkling city shimmering in the sky: glittering, glowing - coming down! God's city is beautiful. Walls of topaz, jasper, sapphire. Wide streets paved with gold. Gleaming pearl gates that are never locked shut. Where is the sun? Where is the moon? They aren't needed anymore. God is all the Light people need. No more darkness! No more night! And the King says, "Look! God and His children are together again. No more running away. Or hidng. No more crying or being lonely or afraid. No more being sick or dying. Because all those things are gone. Yes, they are gone forever. Everything sad has come untrue. And see- I have wiped away every tear from every eye!"
Every tear wiped away! Can you even imagine that? I can't begin to grasp this wonderful place called heaven. No more night! Wow, praise God! Anna Lea hates the darkness as does her mom so she was super pumped about this detail.
So, I find peace tonight as I remind myself as to Jason's reality right now. Jason is seeing our Savior face to face even as I type this entry. Praise God! As John finished, I will steal from him... Come quickly, Jesus! Are you ready?
Pressing on and looking UP,
Steph
Steph
My cousin sent me this picture that was taken at our last Shows Christmas gathering. So precious and I know Anna Lea will treasure this for a lifetime. I know I will.
9 comments:
Stephanie,
I know we don't know each other very well, but I am married to Kyle Stewart (Jimmy Stewart's son), and I wanted to share this with you. My cousin's wife passed away 2 Decembers ago, the day after Kyle and I got engaged. She was very precious to me, and was one of the 1st people I wanted to tell of our engagement. We woke up early the next morning with a phone call saying she had had a seizure that morning (not uncommon for her) and passed. Her oldest son, who was 6 at the time, found her and tried to call 911. They have 3 children as well, and the baby was about to turn 1 when this happened. My cousin is still having an incredibly hard time with this all, but I couldn't help thinking as I was reading your post for Wednesday that Jason and Melissa are in heaven, possibly sharing stories about their children and wonderful spouses, and watching over the 2 families! We will continue to pray for your family--I know personally how hard it is for you, as some days I just boo-hoo thinking about how much I still miss Melissa.
~Laurie Stewart
From my best friend inthe whole wide world who lost her husband 3 yrs ago and my mother who still achs for my dad...NORMAL
I know this does not give you immediate relief but when I live far away from those I care about who are hurting...I just have to say something. I love your spirit Steph.
You have one thing my mom does not have...assurance of what comes next for you...heaven, even while on earth.... and yes, "even so Lord come quickly!"
Heaven on earth in the form of those 3 kid-o's, a very supportive family, a great humor yourself and those silly brothers of yours, sunshine/sonshine in your life, wisdom and knowledge that God so freely gives us all.
We love you all Shows/Weathers family. Prayer continues.
Joy, Debi O
Oh yes Stephanie,
That is exactly where my husband Wes is also. Isn't it remarkable and amazing the sights they are seeing and experiencing and that they are now so perfect in body, mind and spirit. It's hard for me to comprehend. We studied on this scripture a month or so ago and it just tore me up to read it, but that is where I want to be NOW... with Wes. Yes I also hurt as I know you do and I ache for the touch of his embrace or just to hear his voice and laughter again. I am anxiously awaiting until my Savior calls me home to reunite with all of my loved ones, but especially my husband. I know we won't be married in heaven but I will still know him well. May the Lord comfort you and keep you safe. Blessings upon your family.
In Christian love, Becky Rasberry
Stephanie,
As always, what a precious post in your time of sorrow - always pointing Heavenward! Just as it says in the Psalms, "Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord!" I see this verse come alive every time I read your post! May God wrap His loving, comforting arms around you and give you an extra comforting "squish" in these times of sadness and longing. I know He will! :)
Big and Many HUGS to you today Stephanie. I am so sorry it hurts so bad as you miss your sweet Jason so much. I just want to let you know that I continue to pray you through this time. I love you and pray for your whole family to feel the Lords peace. There is no rushing this healing time my friend, it will come to you as the Lord carries you.
Love and Prayers, Laurie in Ca.
Stephanie, again I'll say it just breaks my heart that your heart is hurting so. Praying still...
Stephanie, I haven't lost my spouse so I can't speak words of encouragement from personal experience. I can just thank you for sharing this road you travel down, sometimes plodding along, sometimes stopping in the middle of the road and gazing around in confusion, and sometimes moving ahead with great expectation of better things to come. I know I shared this verse on CaringBridge, but its promise is so powerful, it doesn't hurt to share it again. "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you; when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour". Isaiah 43:2-3a. It's so good to see you and the children up and down the halls at church, there even in the midst of pain and loss. We are still diligently praying for you and the children, for your mom and dad, Scott and Ashley and children, Jon Mark and Peggy, and Brad and ReRe. The light shining in your hearts is a beacon of hope for so many. Love, Dianne and George (and Edith Deal)
Stephanie,
I am so glad you are a 'blogger' now ;)(I am very much addicted to blogging though I have been a slacker this week) I love that you can upload so many pictures of your sweet family and of 'Sweet Jason'. I love seeing them! You have been on my heart and contantly in my prayers since Jan.
Hopefully I'll see you next weekend when we are in Hattiesburg for the USM game.
Much Love,
Brittany
Stephanie;
Remembering you & the whole Weathers/Shows family in prayer today.
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