Found Treasures

Tonight as I sat down at the computer I found myself scrolling through documents of Jason's. I have done this one other time right after he died, but tonight I found 2 things that I had not seen before. God is good like that...

The first thing I found was a note he had typed on our 9th wedding anniversary, which we celebrated in Naples. It wasn't a long note, but a simple message. Jason usually had to be in surgery by 6:00 a.m. so he would quietly eat his breakfast in our office at home so not to wake me nor the kids. Apparently that a.m. he decided to type a message on the screen so that when I sat down at the computer this was the first thing I would see. The message simply said,

"Happy Anniversary, Steph! I love you more than I can say. Thank you for 9 wonderful years! I look forward to many more!"

Wow. So thankful to find this tonight even through the tears. A little piece of J. A little reminder of the love we shared. Although very difficult in some ways to see the last part of the message...still so good to see. We didn't get many more anniversaries after the ninth one, but oh how incredibly blessed to have had the years I had with him. Thank you, Jesus!

Another document I found on our computer tonight was an email that Jason saved. The email was between me and my brother, Scott. Jason saved it as "encouragement to Steph by Scott." At first I was puzzled as to why he saved it, but I am so thankful he did. The email was written on August 14, 2006. We had just moved to Naples a few months prior to this and at the time I was experiencing GREAT homesickness over being so far away from home. I was pretty much having a pity party because God had called us so far away from Hattiesburg. I was also experiencing the Lord in a very sweet way, too. I have said this time after time, but how very thankful I am for the time God placed us in Naples. The Lord used that wonderful place to prepare me for the journey I would soon walk with Jason and then the next part of the journey without him. How I went kicking and screaming, but how thankful I am for it now!

Anyway, back to the email. My brother emailed me an email that was most encouraging and although my circumstances are SO very different than they were August 14, 2006, it ministered to my soul once again. I am so thankful Jason saw fit to save this in our personal documents. See below the email...

Hey Scott. It seems like months since we have talked. I hate that, but I know you are really busy. I hope things are going well for you. I pray for you often. And I don't just say that to be saying that.

Things are beautiful in Naples, but it doesn't really feel like "home" for me yet. It has been an emotional road the last several days, but I am persevering. I must say NEVER has there been a time in my life when I have been so lonely and homesick. I know the Lord placed us here for a reason and I am beginning to see one of those reasons was for me to realize that HE is all I really need. The Lord has reminded me of that promise over and over the last several days. I have discovered that He will never leave me nor forsake me. No one else can make that promise to me. It is very strange to move to a town and not know a soul - literally. You know that every other move we've made things have been made easy for us. People catered to me b/c I was Gary Shows' daughter. They made sure I had friends - in good classes at school -even introduced me to my mate. :) This time that hasn't happened. Jason has been very sweet and understanding, but I know it is hard for him to "be there" for me all the time b/c of his hard schedule. My walk with the Lord is so much sweeter right now and for that I am grateful.

Anna Lea started preschool today. She did good. A little uneasy at first, but I think she had a good time. Jason and I were SO nervous. I think she will enjoy this school once she makes some friends and gets in the routine. She wanted to wear her "Anna Lea" dress so that she didn't have to wear a name tag. Smart, isn't she? She takes after Uncle Scott. She didn't have to wear a name tag either.

Jon Brent is FINALLY starting to take some steps. He took several tonight and then realized what he was doing and sat down. He is so much like Jason, but he acts like me. Poor kid.

Ok, I'd better go help get kids to bed. I guess you are getting "geared" up for Ole Miss football. Go Rebs! :)
We'll be pulling for them here in South Florida. We are coming home the last week in Sept. I know we won't see you since both weekends we'll be home Ole Miss has home games. I know where your heart is! Ha! Love you,
Steph

Scott's response: August 16, 2006
Sis,

My heart has hurt for you every time I think of you. You know that I am no longer an overly sensitive guy. I blame that on some hard times that I had and was only able to survive thanks to prayer warriors like you and Nancy. However, even with your prayers, I still reverted to the humanistic solution and hardened up. That bothers me most of the time, but never more than when I read this email and thought about my thoughts about your situation over the last few weeks.

Steph, I will be honest and tell you that I have not reached out to you because I was convinced that you, your beautiful children and the relationship you have with you terrific husband would be even stronger after this move. I have never been jealous of the unique relationship you have had with our parents, and I have been thankful that you have been able to fill their cup for me and you both. However, I selfishly decided that I knew it all (surprising, huh?) and that this move to Naples would allow you to discover life without the luxuries and downsides of being Gary Shows' daughter.

You see, in 1990, I chose to go to Ole Miss at the last moment. That decision made me what I am today, and I will never regret one day in the progression that led me to August 14th, 2006. However, 1990 was rough. You were able to love me through the unhealthy end to an unhealthy relationship, but you missed the heartache of 1990. I learned to make my own way for the first time in my life. You are right that our moves, while difficult, were always easier because they were God driven and God provided support second to none. In Oxford, I was truly alone at first. I had to make it or not, and there was no church member or church family to call someone and make sure it was corrected.

I have falsely believed that you would come to the same conclusion that I did, and that would be that this would help you define who the Jason Weather's family really was. Not Jon Mark and Gary's kids, but the Jason Weather's family. But, in my now typical hard manner, I lost sight of the fact that even if I was right, there was a lot of hurt along the way. Placing fragile children in the wake of that hurt makes your path 100 times worse than the path God gave me.

I tell you all this for three reasons:

1. You are right that God has you there for a very specific reason. Only He can reveal that reason, and only on His time will it be revealed. I gave a bad analogy to Mom last night. What if God wants Anna Lea to be a missionary to China? She can remember being in a "foreign" place and making her home, friends, identity, etc. at the ripe old age of 4! How much easier it will be in the later stages in life?

2. I am a heartless brute that should be required to slide down a slide of razor blades into a pool of alcohol if my sister thinks she is interrupting my busy schedule at her biggest time of need. Not to mention that she truly believes my heart lies with Ole Miss football. That is only partly true. :)

3. You are going to be okay. I know you know it and don't want to hear it, but you have to remember it. Every day will become easier and easier, and I KNOW that your unbelievable personality will endear you to all that you come in contact with. I have been so proud the last 20 years or so to see you blossom. There is no stranger when Stephanie Shows Weathers is around. That is a spiritual gift that you can cash checks with. Embrace it, trust in Lord and try to find the positives! Mom used to always tell us that we needed an attitude adjustment. That can apply in every situation you face. DECIDE to have that attitude adjustment and let your attitude be one of welcoming the challenges and new horizons with only a scant glance back to what it was like in the past.
The past is the history, the future is a mystery. Today is a gift, that is why they call it the "Present."God bless you sister. You are my hero, and I wish on 20 occasions a week that I were as complete as you!

Thank you for loving me.
Scott

Like I mentioned earlier...this email ministered to my soul almost 3 years later and the circumstances are totally different. I am so thankful that my sweet husband chose to save this for he had no idea that I would need to be reminded of these words on May 4, 2009.